For Good
I had thought India Arie's
Beautiful would be the last song on my
chocomint playlist. That it would have ended with that. But at this juncture of life - call it a milestone, a new chapter, new leaf, a crossroads... I find myself thinking back again while listening to music and
For Good from Wicked just called my name, I suppose. I didn't realize until I went back to rereading that story again.
I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives,
For a reason.
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those,
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well I don't know if I believe that's true.
But I know I'm who I am today,
Because I knew you.
Because... Isn't it true? At least in part?
Yes, Ttiana will insist that I'm still the same
gaki as always - ditzy whiny brat. But she's always been more mature. She'll always insist that I'm more immature! True, I can be a bitch but... Well, I don't think I'm as bad as I used to be.
I've come to terms with it, I suppose.
Awkward will always exist. I can't do anything to change it. I've tried and tried, and gotten tired of being disappointed time and time again. Where once I would have wished, even for a split second, that things had been different or gone into a mini-spiel of who was to blame...
Right now, I don't feel the same anymore.
There's no point trying to pinpoint blame. It's over. I still can't find it in myself to blame others, but I'm through with blaming myself. In the end, it's simple: thanks for the memories, the kindness while it lasted, and for helping me grow as a person.
No regrets. No looking back.