sky chord, take II: ditzy, whiny, bratty.
How should I start this? With the blooming disappointment that I felt, or perhaps the near-hysteria of upset? Or maybe even the tears of temper that come following that? On the other hand, maybe none of the above, seeing how I've exhausted everything in that three already. While I can probably find it in myself to rehash said emotions if prompted, right now I just feel cold.
It is, I've come to recognize, the feeling of ambivalence. It is the usual attitude towards constipated gerbils and hippopotamuses. It would be something that the resident Devil would find useful in dealing with her Head Minion but well, that's another story and besides the point.
But nonetheless, I'm still pissed.
Why is it that I never fail to have such poor taste in friends? Is it the ditz in me that causes that? I just become plain
stupid in this case. I mean I can only list
three people that I've known for long and have never made me feel like I have bad taste: Lels, Tash and Mic. The last to a lesser extent since we've become less close, but still. It's quite pathetic.
Honestly, you do
not put down "picnic" (which is something I've been harping on since
before As even started and been going on since Christmas till now) and then expect me to say "oh no, I can't make it" when I'm fucking jobless and perfectly free and it is something I
want. And then act like I never replied, give my
best friends the wrong impressions - which is bloody fucking stupid, considering that I regularly texted both during exam periods, much less now when we're so bloody free - do you expect me
not to find out?
It just proves how well they know me.
If I were to hide under a fucking rock everytime I ran the risk of running into someone I don't like/have a history with, I must as well never leave my house. Oh, I can't go to Bishan/AMK/Serangoon Central area 'cuz I'm fucking scared I'd see that girl that I hated so much in sec 3. Oh, I can't take purple line 'cuz I'll see that dickless coward of a classmate. Oh yeah, he knows F and E and A. F stays near Tash, I can't visit my best friend to hang out anymore. E and A stay near
me, I can't leave my fucking
house.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
Damn it, I'm pissed again.Anyway, it's ridiculous isn't it? Else I'd never have made it through JC. I'd've transferred. Or something. Which didn't happen. So
hello? And even if I didn't wanna, courtesy - common social etiquette - would expect me to make the call whether I wanted to or
not. Heck, even Mandy who normally doesn't take sides and just tells me to chillax and lets me rant agreed that it was rather "what the hell."
The part that pisses me off is that they put fucking
picnic there, knowing I want it and then do this bullshit. Well, thanks for being so fucking sensitive. God, I'm swearing like nobody's business. I think I'm worse than D when I was oh, 11. And that's saying something. I wanted it for my bloody birthday, for god's sake. And you just
ruin it for me like that?
Oh sorry, you people didn't really ruin it. You just proved to me who I should actually go with. Saturday's going to be
my day. I'm through with waiting. I shouldn't have even bothered to wait, to begin with. Because if I wait, it will
never happen. And anyway, I don't want to spend it with them.
My 18th only required a picnic, and the three of us: brat, violent and 'bimbo,' to be rendered a situation I'd be content in. I won't have minded the rest, but I wouldn't have been all hung up over it. What can I say? There are friends, and then there are best friends.
Best friends are the ones that you hesitate to call but end up doing it anyway, and who would put up with your crying and temper tantrum for nearly an hour rather than just throwing the phone away. Best friends are the one that can still make you laugh while you're crying and throwing a typical, yet more severe than usual, temper tantrum. They are the ones that you dare to unleash whatever temper-fired words you have because you know it is safe enough.
They're the ones that you call
bitch when you're upset and they still deal.
That's all I need to make me happy. I can't be bothered to deal with hypocrites anymore. I'm
sick and
tired of your attitude. Because the last time someone became a hypocrite I did the best thing I ever did - I left them in the dirt to rot.
Because why the fuck should I care about someone who doesn't care about me?
Better late than never.
And now for ambivalence and some serious
ice treatment that I never mastered in secondary school but am finally grasping now.
Namaarie, ne?
♥ Because this ditzy, whiny brat isn't as stupid as she behaves all the time.