Reflection Form 101
It's kinda funny how 'reflection' can refer to what you see in a mirror/still reflective surface and a soul-searching of sorts because somehow "soul-searching" is far more easily done when you're removed from the situation - or some time has passed since the situation has elapsed.
Since it is the past 2 years that bear reflecting now, I guess yes, a hell lot of time has elapsed. It feels like just yesterday that we were overjoyed that Lit Paper 5 was over and therefore As were officially over for us, ne? It's so freakin'
cheesy that egad, Imma take a leaf from Mandy's book and go rinse the nasty aftertaste of cheese out before continuing...
On second thought, since this is gonna be chuckful of cheese due to the amount of
thinking going on... I'm probably gonna get worse. Hell, I'll wash it out at one shot later!
Truth be told, I didn't really believe all those stories that they were telling us about how you'd feel on results day and all that back then, but now... Well, hell yea, now I do. It makes you feel like every little sacrifice has been worth it.
Results today were a shocker - except for Math, because I wasn't even thinking about Math anymore. I think between Val, Amanda (especially) and Rachelle, they were all sick of my insecurities regarding this subject and that subject. GP: too much new attitude, History: Not enough content, SBQ screw up! Econs: Uh, always fail, gonna die again, messed up
so much! Lit: WH's was crappppp. P5 didn't work hard enough...
So yea, it was kinda surprising, in a I-wanna-call-Mandy-and-Rach-now-and-scream-down-the-line-in-excitement kinda surprising. I'm not sure if I did it, though... Probably not as loudly as when I passed Chinese last year?
But I guess yea, studying for once does pay off. It
is worth it, no matter how much grumpiness and whining it induced from yours truly. And suffering all that nagging from school (read: our dear teachers) on top of parental nagging was well... Unnecessary if I was the kind of kid to study on my own. But well, I'm not! So yup, it was worth the pain of my ears suffering.
I hope I didn't disappoint, though I feel like I have for econs. And no matter the grade, I still feel like I could've done better for my Lit and History papers :S
The past 2 years have been worth it. They were oddly enough... Fun.
Yea, there are parts that I am
really embarrassed over. Like come on, 09-1A01 class dramas? I think only the PW one is one that I don't feel ashamed of... But no, I'm not gonna apologize for the fights, for the temper tantrums, for the ridiculous behavior that Val, Pree and Ezra liked to call "trying to attract attention" but I called "pretending people I dislike don't exist, since they do the same to me anyway." And so on.
I won't redo them, if given the chance.
Because as stupid as it sounds, even with these
damned embarrassing moments, this period brought about its own share of fun, hilarity and laughter. I mean, take this for example: don't you think someone backing away from your stationary
stationery like it could kill him just so purely absurd you
have to laugh?
And, more seriously that is so goddamn
cheesy that I think I need to disinfect myself after this: Yes, some parts of the past 2 years were stupid. Yes, they were dumb. And embarrassing. And a whole list of synonyms I'm lazy to rant. But in the end, they all taught me something or other.
To control my volatile temper better.
That people are not always as nice as they appear to be (a few occasions doesn't equal a really nice person)
To be civil to people, and still try to work with them despite outstanding issues.
But then, also to know when to
stop trying and just let it go.
To find the humor in any situation and try to focus on that, rather than any negative emotion.
That life leaves little lessons for us to find, at every turn - we just need to find it and learn it.
That determination and hard work is worth it, in the end.
That friends and the people who support you play a hell big role in whatever you're trying to do.
For all that, I won't change anything I've done in the past 2 years. Yes, I've come across as a complete
ditzy, whiny brat - the part about underutilized intelligence is often missed out. Yes, I've made a complete fool of myself at times. And heck, tortured myself with more studying in the past 2 years than the 10 years previous - and probably more nagging too. But every little bit has been worth it, because every little interaction has taught me so much more.
I don't know why, but somehow coming through this 2 years makes me feel like I've matured from who I used to be.
Maturity is a process, maybe? It makes more sense than it happening like someone snapping their fingers and
poof yesh, you're matured!
I can only hope that the next phase of my life following this would be as fruitful, and I'll meet equally awesome people, and maybe re-meet some of people I know now after entering the chrysalis in June/July 2011 (hopefully)
to those who know what I'm talking about, ;) to you! I won't need to re-meet you, of course. I expect to see you there when I wake up, more like! I'd demand chocolate/sushi/some favorite food, except that I'll end up watching you eat it. But whatever. You better be there! ;)