ceasless drama
so goddamn tired
its kinda the lack of sleep
kinda the staring at comp screens
(hey what else is there to do in pw class!)
and kinda the crying
gods, i hate it
i hate that i cry when i get mad
yeah i hold it back
but it eventually comes out
so annoying
i hate it that i lose all my senses
when i get mad
all the insults, logic, just flies out of my mind
all i can think of is screaming expletives
all the common 'fuck' 'bastard' etc. just comes out
what becomes of the better ones beats me
the japanese, korean, french
heck, even the more soph english ones
dialect too, and of course, eldalie
i just blank out
i can't smile like FS or YS
sadistically serene
plotting some form of vengeance
i tried it when F used to bug me
when they used to tease me about K
but
epic failkeeping my cool only lasts for so long
if only i were as levelheaded
as some of the people i know
in the aftermath
i can always think of tons of insults
various points i could've used
but somehow, i never remember them
next time around
cb is it?
my pile of dialect/english rebuttal comes in
- it takes one to know one: you are a girl - an utter disgrace to the female gender
- bird people speaks bird talk
who gives a damn if its crude
i did cruder than that
heck, it was totally below the belt
fine, i'm a BIT ashamed of that
i never intended to use that insult
eh except on maybe B, 'Tiara''s bro...
i could never say it to either F/K
stupid traitorous past thoughts!
but honestly,
i think that bastard was to blame
heck i told him loud and clear
yes i was annoyed
who won't be!
i was reading dgm, listening to fated/jewel <333 and icytowering
i already did my work
DUH i didn't give a shit!
i told that asshole
exactly what had been done
what was left to do
hell i even did some of it
i could have had been playing...
but no, the utterly rotten bastard
couldn't LISTEN
or else he has a friggin' memory/hearing problem!
and after hanging up on my calls numerous times
he has the fucking CHEEK to tell me off for not picking up my phone!
then prove that he didn't even listen to what i said
and put the blame on guess who? ME
The. Fuck?
and while i try to point that out
(admittedly amid much swearing
- but if you know me,
it's expected! who are my best friends, srsly!)
he tells me to shut the fuck up and calls me a cb
i swear, the best i could come up with was foutu kaesaekki
only because i've used it too often in the past
my insults are as bitch-based that i can't flip them
in the anger haze
oh fine, i admit who cares
everyone knows by now
the only one besides the au typicale rusty knife plan
and the m-fucking bastard stuff and cliched etc
was fuck off and fuck yourself
cuz no one would fuck you anyway.
like i said totally below the belt
never intended for use
but hell i was so angry
i can't remember the last time i was angry
till my hands were shaking
actually on second thought
i do.
chinese class where the whole "jumping" thing originated
itai. i hate that memory
all of my memories keep you near.if that's the case
i don't want my memories of you
sometimes, i think i dreamt it up
all those memories
its just a fantasy i concocted
as much as i know its untrue
if anyone saw us now
they would say it was all my imagination
...if i could only say...and i'm cursing your name
...its too late
"Regret" won't be my "Teardrops"
not anymore.